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by Johnny Drama at . Comments

Because apparently the Internet is ten years behind in England, Lindsay Lohan was cast in a play on London's West End over the summer.

Though she was a little shaky at first (Lindsay forgot her lines and drew unintentional laughs from the crowd on opening night), LiLo has reportedly settled into her role as a ditzy Hollywood social-climber in David Mamet's Speed the Plow.

LIndsay Lohan Cannes Pic

Not a huge stretch acting-wise, but hey, she's holding down a job, which is more than we can say for most sociopathic junkies.

Well, she was anyway. Lindsay claimed she was "too ill" to perform yesterday, but her social media accounts tell a different tale.

"Sorry everyone but I'm too ill to perform and down for the count," Lindsay tweeted before missing a matinee performance on Wednesday.

The day before, of course, she was out and about in London, snapping selfies.

We'd say maybe she came down with something suddenly overnight, if it weren't for the fact that she miraculously recovered in time for Wednesday's evening performance, then promptly deleted the business about being sick from her Twitter account.

Sounds like to us like Linds was busted for being hungover and told by producers to get her ass to the evening performance or suffer the consequences. 

Sigh...so few things are consistent in this world. In a way, it's comforting to know Linds will never change. 

by Johnny Drama at . Comments

In case you somehow haven't heard, Kate Middleton is suffering from severe morning sickness brought about by a condition known as Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

Amidst rumors that Kate is losing dangerous amounts of weight due to her illness, the Duchess made a surprise return to public life last week when she joined William and the Queen to welcome the president of Singapore to London.

Royal watchers took it as a sign that Kate is on the mend. However, sources close to the royal family say the Duchess is still very ill, and the Queen forced Kate to return to public life.

"The Queen has been unimpressed at the amount of official business Kate has missed out on," a source tells the tabloid. "She feels enough is enough, duty comes first, and it was time for Kate to step up to the plate."

"Elizabeth's pregnancies were easy compared to Kate's so she doesn't understand how badly Kate's been feeling. She will always put work first and believes Kate should do the same."

So does that mean Kate isn't getting better, like we'd hoped?

"She has been feeling absolutely horrific," says the insider, who adds that Prince William has been pleading with her to get more bed rest.

Yes, royal bullying is apparently a thing. The struggle is real!

by Johnny Drama at . Comments

In case you missed True Tori Season 2 Episode 2, let us give you a brief recap:

It was a cringe-worthy mess, just like every other episode. It did have one unexpected surprise, however.

While cleaning out her warehouse (literally) of wildly expensive crap so that she can sell some of it to prevent her family from going bankrupt, Tori randomly decided to reach out to her ex-husband, Charlie Shanian.

Yes, amidst all the talk of Dean cheating on Tori, it's easy to forget that she slept around on her first hubby, then left him for Dean just 15 months after their wedding.

Dean's first wife, Mary Jo Eustace, has already popped up this season, so clearly Spelling-McDermotts have decided to mine their romantic pasts for drama now that the audience has had to endure an entire season of them howling at each other.

A cameo from Shanian would be more surprising than the Eustace pop-in, however, as dude retired from public life after his marriage to Tori ended, and it doesn't sound like they parted on good terms:

"Fifteen months into my marriage, I open the National Enquirer to see pictures of what appeared to be my wife giving another man a lap dance," said Shanian in one of his only interviews since the breakup.

"In the end, I didn't screw up she did. Well, some might say, she screwed down, but that's a matter of opinion."

Wow. We don't know much about this guy, but we like him!

Watch True Tori online at TV Fanatic to come up with your own trash talk about reality TV's worst couple.

by Johnny Drama at . Comments

Today in Sigh: Farrah Abraham has figured out a new way to be awful:

Farrah Abraham Sex Toy

Yes, that's the Benjamin Button of Teen Moms hawking plastic molds of her own vagina while dressed like a freakin' character from a freakin' Disney movie.

Why would Farrah dress like Queen Elsa to sell sex toys, you ask? We have no idea other than the fact that it's Halloween and Farrah is the worst.

Before you defend her as a single mom gettin' by the best she can, please bear in mind that Farrah made $544,000 from stripping last year. 

She also recently bought a $100,000 Mercedes Benz.

Yeah - that's just last year, and that's just one of her many revenue streams. She's fine financially; she just genuinely enjoys this crap. 

But obviously this girl was meant to be rich. After all, that's why God led Farrah to porn. Like we said, mom of the year.

by Johnny Drama at . Comments

If you watch 19 Kids and Counting online, you know that Jana Duggar gets routinely screwed over by her parents and many, many siblings.

According to insiders, at just 24, Jana is exhausted from raising children her whole life and has basically entered a state of premature spinsterhood.

Which sucks even worse when you consider that she's a total looker:

The eldest Duggar daughter's mistreatment has been worse than ever recently, leading fans and one dedicated author to start an online "Free Jana" movement.

Paul Lamar Hunt was also raised with 20 siblings and he recently wrote a book about the experience.

In an interview this Hunt spoke about the need to protect exploited children from ridiculously oversized family's like Jana's:

“Jim Bob and Michelle need to stay at home with their children and let Jana have her life,” says Hunter. “The children are not Jana’s responsibility."

"She is an adult who [probably] wants to have fun with her friends and go on dates,” he says. “She might despise her parents and confront them later on in life.”

There have been rumors that Jana plans to break free from her famous family, but sadly, we have our doubts.

Not only is it the only kind of life she's ever known, but given the Duggar's level of fame Jana would be a subject of constant media scrutiny if she ever set out on her own.

by Johnny Drama at . Comments

She may be still trying to weasel out of it, but at this point, there's no doubt that Teresa Giuidice is going to jail.

The only remaining question is: Will our inhuman prison system deny Teresa her basic human right to be fabulous.

Teresa Giudice

You see, Teresa has made a lot of demands since being sentenced. Apparently no one told her that's not how that works.

Anyway, Teresa asked to be placed in the prison that inspired Orange is the New Black (seriously), but that didn't work out.

Now, she's totally offering the Bureau of Prisons a chance to make it up to her, because that's just the kid of gal she is.

Apparently, Teresa is afraid she'll go bald in prison, so she's lobbying hard to get officials to bend the rules and let her rock hair extensions behind bars.

"Teresa has had her attorney inquire about keeping the hair extensions," a source tells Radar Online. "She will need to take out her extensions before beginning her prison sentence."

"She is genuinely afraid she's going to end up bald by the time she leaves prison in 15 months."

That's a serious concern. If she goes bald, she probably won't have a chance at landing a spot on Bravo's new series Real Housewives of Cell Block D.

Watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey online to see Teresa in happier, hairier times.

by Johnny Drama at . Comments

For months now, there's been a heated, ongoing debate as to whether or not Kylie Jenner has had lip injections.

Seriously, people on both sides had theories and very strong opinions on the matter. But now it looks as though our long national nightmare is over, as the latest photo of Kylie's lips leaves little doubt that the 17-year-old has had work done.

Go, ahead - click the link and prepare to throw up in your mouth a little.

We understand the pressure on young celebs to look their best, but good God - she looks like Angelina Jolie with a peanut allergy.

Of course, Kylie just turned 17 in August, and she's been getting injections for several months, which means her mom has been signing off on it.

But, c'mon...is anyone even slightly surprised? Bear in mind that Kris Jenner allowed Kylie to travel to Europe with Tyga - her 24-year-old boyfriend. 

We get the feeling the only time Kris says "no" is when her kids ask if they stop can stop being fulltime media whores.

by Johnny Drama at . Comments

Last week TLC canceled Here Comes Honey Boo Boo following some shocking allegations targeted at one of the show's stars, June Shannon.

The network learned that Shannon was dating a convicted child molester named Mark McDaniel. It was later revealed that McDaniel's victim was June's eldest daughter Anna, who was just 8 years old at the time.

june shannon photo

The situation took yet another dark turn yesterday, when TMZ obtained photographic evidence that Shannon's youngest daughter, Alana - publicly known as Honey Boo Boo - had been exposed to McDaniel, in direct violation of the terms of his release.

In the wake of that revelation, the state of Georgia has launched an investigation that may cost Shannon custody of her three youngest children.

"When there are children who are not able to protect themselves, that are in daily contact or living with sex offenders," says CPS director Susan Boatwright. "Someone would go out there and assess the situation to see whether the children can stay there or not."

Given the nature of the offense, it's almost certain that Shannon will lose her kids at least temporarily while her parenting skills are assessed. 
Somehow, this situation continues to get sadder.

by Miranda Wicker at . Comments

On The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 6 Episode 15, the ladies packed their bags and headed to Atlantic City for a weekend of casinos and cocktails.

Nothing says burying the hatchet like booze trips, right?

While in Atlantic City, the womens' menstrual cycles all synced up. We know this because they wouldn't stop talking about it. Amber also wouldn't stop talking about the games she and Jim like to play in the sack.

Hey, whatever trips your trigger, but this is Jim Marchese we're talking about. Those are secrets we did NOT need to know.

Continue Reading...

by Miranda Wicker at . Comments

On The Walking Dead Season 5 Episode 3, Rick Grimes put an end to Terminus once and for all, in what was the third most gruesome human-to-human battle. Maybe second.

Now the group has split up once again. Will they never learn that they're better together?

Maybe. Maybe not. Right now the group has separate interests.

Abraham needs to get Eugene to D.C. and Rick needs to find Carol and Daryl. And Beth. But first there are some bodies to bury.

Continue Reading...

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