It was either Shakespeare or Rick James who said, "Cocaine is a helluva drug," and there's no better proof of that old adage than Lindsay Dee Lohan.
Lindsay forgot her lines and generally bombed during her stage debut in London last night, but don't worry - she's still holding tight to every one of her druggy delusions.
Lindsay revealed her five-year plan during an interview with Time Out London recently and, well...it was every bit as hilarious as you might have guessed.
"In five years I would like to be married and have children and hopefully be at the Oscars, but that's as far as it goes now."
Hey man, believe it and achieve, right? You can do anything you set your mind to...Unless you're Lindsay Lohan and you've set your mind to winning an Oscar because they don't have a category for fashioning a crack pipe out of a car antenna, so that will never, ever happen.
The interviewer then asked Lindsay about Mean Girls, because that's one of the few topics that won't make LiLo's eyes sting with boozy tears.
"I was with Tina Fey the other day and I said we should do another Mean Girls," Linds said. "Like an older version where they're all housewives and they're all cheating."
Yeah, my character showed a lot of potential when she was young, but you know how everyone turns into a drug-addled husk of their former self when they get older and...What do you mean that only happened to me?! Here come the whiskey weeps!